We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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