I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
