And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize