She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
