my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
