we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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