his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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