Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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