I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
