Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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