Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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