This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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