I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Boobs speak an international language.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
