he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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