that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
