i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
