I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
