i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
