Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
