Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
