he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize