just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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