are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
