She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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