my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
