My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
