There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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