i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
