I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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