Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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