Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
