my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
