some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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