Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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