Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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