I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
last night I used snow as a chaser
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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