This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
YAS. BRING CRAB.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
