I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
please come you make the beer taste better
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
