Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
