chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
