mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
