You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
