she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
