As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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