Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
