I will die if light touches me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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