he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
