I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
