I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
