When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
