Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
