We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
