New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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