There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
