she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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