I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
