Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
