I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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