That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
