I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
