at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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