He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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