Too much gin, very little bucket
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
