Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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